For those who follow my blogs, you will know that I have been living with a terminal illness for 6 years now. It sounds wonderful and I'm sure many people expect me to focus on the good news, but the truth is that the constant daily, weekly, monthly and yearly living in this space is tiring, exhausting and oftentimes very lonely. People want to hear that I am well, happy and living my best life. The truth is that every day, every meal, and every thought becomes centred around keeping as healthy as possible. It's exhausting, and life happens, and other illnesses find their way into my body, weakening my immune system and adding inflammation to an already inflamed body.
A couple of weeks ago I got shingles on my head, neck, and in my ear. It lowered my immune system even more, caused inflammation to soar and brought lots of nerve pain to my neck and back. It may appear to be a small thing to some people, but when each day is a carefully planned food, meditation and exercise day, these setbacks can hit hard. I think what makes it worse is living alone with no one else to really care for, except for Gus the dog.
These days are hard, and depression comes upon me and settles for far too long. Looking for the good, the positive, and the happy, is not always possible. The thing is, in today's world, we're constantly being told that we should be happy, we should focus on the positive, and that change and healing won't come if we remain in a place of depression and loneliness. Well whoop-dee-do to all those people. The reality of life is that we have good and bad in equal measure. No matter who we are or what we are dealing with in life, the words "This too shall pass" are relevant. Life is on a continuum of highs and lows, good and bad, happy and sad. Think of it as an infinity sign. On the one side is good and on the other side is bad. As we hit a high, we are already travelling towards the next low and when we are low, we are already travelling towards the next high. This is life. As a great Elder once said, "The only constant in life is change."
When I look at my life through this lens, I am able to get through these hard times of loneliness and depression.
For those who are interested, please consider following me on my YouTube channel. Here I post vlogs about my journey: The good, the bad, how I prepare my food, What I look out for etcetera.